I keep trying to hop on and post so I can keep everyone up to date with what is going on but I can’t find the time. How hard is it to pull out my laptop and write something? I have a sitter so if I want to pass the baby off I can, and I do. However, I usually want to sleep. Or lounge back and read. It’s going to be hard to give up this recliner when I’m all better, but I can’t keep it. It doesn’t match and there isn’t really a “spot” for it. In the attic it will go.

I thought I might do a quick fly by post. As many of you know my rods broke at the end of December (at least we think that’s when it happened) and when they took them out there was a crazy-serious infection (I’ll get into that on another post).

The infection is so bad that we only had a couple of choices and one of them meant no breastfeeding. The doctors knew me well enough by then that they didn’t even present it as an option. I fought tooth and nail to make sure I was on safe pain meds, I was not about to give up now.

So my PICC line stayed. Maybe it would have anyways but it was certain now. We would be administering IV antibiotics 3X a day for the next 5-6 weeks? I can’t remember how long. It’s just a long time.
Let’s not talk about how much this would cost if it weren’t for insurance. Let’s just say that we are VERY fortunate and we are paying $0 out of several thousand. JUST for the antibiotics.

So are you curious to see what a ONE WEEK. I REAPEAT A ONE WEEK supply of antibiotics looks like?

One Week Supply of Meds

We have an iphone down for comparison. The white syringe is just saline to flush the line before and after the meds. They yellow syringe is heprin to lock the line after meds and the funny ball things are the actual meds. We use lot of alcohol wipes to make sure that everything stays very clean. The end of that line is very close to my heart.

So 3x a day I hook up and then disconnect and lock. The boys love to help and it’s great to have them involved.

We absolutely love our nurse “Jake” at the clinic we go to. SO thanks for all the training, you are awesome.

My PICC line

I came home last Friday. This past weekend has been up, down, happy, sad, frustrated and a million other emotions.

I’m not going to talk about that part right now. I’m going to talk about coming home and what that was like.

When we got into the van I got a text from a friend asking if the boys knew I was on the way home or if she needed to not saying anything because it was a surprise.

I told her it was a surprise. My mommy brains starts churning and I ask her how late they can stay and run my idea by her and she says she’s in they can stay as late as we need them too.

So my plan is set into motion.

Charlie will get me home, comfortable in my bed and he will take Nathan and the VAN and head back out for my meds.

Our sitter also followed us to the house so she would know how to get here when she started back on Monday (today, yes, things are going well). She took a look around and left so as not to throw off our plan.

There were some ups and downs over finding meds (on time) but I’ll write about that another day.

I’m snuggled in my bed and everyone is gone so I text my friend that I’m ready. She knows I want her to just drop them and go like normal because as far as she knows I’m NOT there.

So mom and I quickly figure out WHY she’ll send them into my room. The door is closed and lights are off…

I here them come in and bye, thank you, see you later, blah blah.

Now we hear my mom asking them to go look for “that cat” in “your mom’s room”.

They walk in, turn the light on, and neither one sees me at first, they are half glancing for the cat and their eyes are still adjusting. Then slowly, Lucas looks up, his eyes get  huge and he yells “MOMMY” – Will glanced up and saw me just as the words were coming out of his mouth.

I wasn’t quite crying but my eyes weren’t dry and the boys were the same. They didn’t want to cry but they were so shocked and so happy.

They very carefully and cautiously climbed in bed with me, almost as if there were afraid but desperate to touch me. They wanted to make sure I was REALLY there.

They climbed in and I choked back more tears and just hugged and loved my babies. I missed them so much and it was good to be home. Good to be with my babies in MY bed.

I can’t imagine how confused and afraid Lucas must have been the last three weeks. He’s only 3 and it must have been so challenging to figure out why mommy, daddy and nathan left. He knew we were in a hospital and that hospitals are for sick people or people having babies. He knew we weren’t having a baby so why?  WHy were grandpa and grandma in our house all they time. Why weren’t they leaving?

Now I sit here and write this in my new recliner, so I can lay in the middle of all the noise and chaos that takes place in our family room, and just be. I am home again and I hope more than anything that I never have to unexpectedly leave my children like that again. I am so eager to be back to myself 100% so I can take my boys where they need to be and not depend on friends to help (and help they have – THANK YOU SO MUCH!)

I will never forget that look, of joy and confusion, excitement and a little scared, when they walked in and saw me. I wasn’t able toe capture that moment on film. I thought about having my phone ready, but I didn’t want to. I decided I wanted it to be all mine. Well, all mine and theirs. I didn’t want to share it with anyone else. I wanted to relish in that intimate moment we shared. It’s a beautiful moment I will go back to many times when I need a little pick me up.

I did, however, capture some snuggles the moments after, and those I will share!

This isn’t a real post and most of you are seeing this on facebook but ok they’ve changed the surgery back and forth a few times. Last we heard  it will be on WEDNESDAY, the 11th, at noon.

Charlie and I made a choice last night that may not meet the approval of everyone. We made the decision when we thought the surgery was today, but I thought it was even better when we found out it was moved to Wedneday.

I didn’t let Will go to school. I told grandma to keep him home. Daddy is on his way to get him and Lucas right now.

It’s my business if I want my child with me at a time like this.

I guess I am making a tiny big deal about this is because today was a MOCK test of the new STARR test. We all know what the school thinks about standardized testing, but today, I do not care.

My boys are the best medicine. When they are up here with me I feel calm and relaxed despite the drama and chaos when they get together in a small space.

I also plan to let him stay out tomorrow. That might change because surgery was flipped, and that was going to originally be my recovery day. Now my recovery day is Thursday so maybe we will come that day instead.

I just NEED my kids here. It calms me. It WILL make things go smoother for me.

Then, of course, there is the what if ? ?