This will be an ongoing project but here goes:
Do you even know my story!?
- How long have you been in “that thing”? (“that thing” would be my WHEELCHAIR if my blog didn’t give it away)I have been paralyzed since September 12, 1999. It was my first fall semester at college. I say first FALL because I also took a class over the summer. Yea, I’m a dork. Whatever.
- Is it….permanent? (because you know my uncle’s cousin’s daughter’s sister’s friend’s mom’s husband was paralyzed but he’s walking now OH! and let’s not forget my quack friend that’s a minister healer on network television, he can totally make you walk again, I PINKY swear!) Yes, my injury is permanent and no I do not believe prayer will suddenly heal me and no the doctor’s can’t “fix” it. They did what they could to SAVE my life and ensure I would live a HAPPY healthy mostly normal life.
- Why are you in “that thing”? (again, yes people call it a thing, but it really is a wheelchair, I promise)
Well, after seeing a few clips by Teal Sherer I thought I’d spice things up a bit. “I was wearing 6″ heels and walking on my sub, when all of a sudden…….” Ok. Not really. Really, people!? I was 18. You think I’d have a sub?! I’d never be allowed to be a dom. Really. Do you know nothing?! Real answer: I was paralyzed in a car wreck and I am now what is considered a L1,2 paraplegic. (L=Lumbar/lower back)
- But you have such a good attitude……Well…I’d rather be HAPPY then feel sorry for myself. Only I can make me happy and I have to live with what I have. It can’t be changed so why be miserable when I can be just as happy if not HAPPIER than the next person?
- Where does the feeling stop? (in other words I am too embarrassed to ask you if you can feel it when you have sex or have to pee or poop)
The answer is that my feeling fades from the belly button down. You can use your imagination and guess how much of what you want to ask I can feel and how much of it I can’t and so forth and so on.
- So I think I know why this next one is one of the most popular searches that leads you crazy people to my blog. YES, I CAN SEE why you come here. Usually. Unless, of course, you are my dedicated slaves and subscribe. How do paralyzed people pee and poop ?? Gah, I totally forgot that was in question 5. Now I know. Mystery solved. Oh. You want an answer? I wiggle my pants down, transfer and sit. And wait. And wait. JUST LIKE YOU. Sometimes I read. Or tweet. (kidding. … I would NEVER tweet on the toilet. I might check facebook though. Or upload a picture to instagram . . )
- Do you drive?
Yes. My van has hand controls. My van does NOT have a cool lift. Those are crazy expensive and take up space in my van. I have too many kids for that waste of space! For now I am healhy and can break my chair down and put it in the passenger seat next to me. Or as of late I am breaking child labor laws and making my 7 year old put it behind the driver’s seat as one of his chores! I kid. I never MAKE him do it. I just bribe him to do it instead.
- Why don’t you use a power chair?
Because, again, I am young and healthy and do not need one. Plus they are HUGE. My chair in TEENY TINY and fits almost anywhere. I would be way to limited with something that big. Besides, my kids like to “push” me and couldn’t if I had a power chair … maybe when I’m 50?
- Did you conceive naturally?If by naturally you mean the “old fashioned” way yes. I had lots of crazy monkey sex with my husband, all over the place. on the floor, in the bed …… oh. Sorry. You didn’t want THAT many details. Right!? In all seriousness, this was ACTUALLY the first questions I had for my doctors. Can I still have children? They assured me that in most cases, YES, women who are paralyzed can still conceive. I just had to wait and see if I got my period back. I did. Obviously. Well, at least 3 times. So far.
- Did you deliver vaginally? No. I delivered via Cesarean section. I know there are paralyzed women who have successfully delivered naturally and I desperately wanted to be one of them. HOWEVER, my doctor and I were worried that with the placement of the rods in my spine I may not be able to bare down all the way and push a baby out. I could labor for HOURS and not be able to do it and in the end need a C-section. So we decided I would go in rested and prepared. I have NO regrets.
- Are you done?! Having kids?! Are you going to try for a girl?! I dunno. Maybe. It won’t be for a girl though. It’ll be for a baby.
- How do you bathe? Dress? – I have a shower bench I sit on and shower just like anyone else that’s paralyzed. If I want a bath I get the full princess treatment and DH lowers me in and raises me back out of the tub. Dressing? Sometimes on the bed but usually in my chair with LOTS of wiggling and moving side to side to get pants on. If you are ever out with me and I take FOREVER in the bathroom. THAT IS WHY. It’s not because I’m pooping. I swear. Getting my pants up takes about 1-4 minutes depending on fabric and fit.
- How do you do chores? oooh you mean like housework? I hire someone. . . somtimes. In my dreams. Yeah. No. I just do it. You’d have to come and watch. I USUALLY try and make Charlie do the floors. . . I think we are going to hire a maid to come once a week. Someday. Oh and this vacuum is a lifesaver.
- Do you ever feel sorry for yourself? I think IT FREAKING SUCKS. I don’t feel sorry for myself any more than you feel sorry for YOURSELF….and you do from time to time, am I correct? Oh, wait. You don’t? Oh. Ok. Neither do I.
- If I see you somewhere should I help you or not? I dunno, ask me. I promise I PROBABLY won’t roll over your toes. If I say NO, believe me. OOOH and NEVER EVER jerk a door out of my hands. EVER! ! !! ! Ask me if I want help. DO NOT EVER jerk a door out of my hand. I do not know how many times I have almost fallen out of my chair because someone jerked a door out of my hands….and do not RUN ahead of me to move things, unless you have asked and I say yes please or I ask. Â It slows me down. I am EXPERT and gauging if I will fit somewhere so don’t block me. Please.
- what other medical complications do you have because of the paralysis? I USED to have rods on either side of my spine. They often caused pain, but THEY BROKE and may or may not have caused a horrible infection in my spine that I had treated in early 2012. WE also had to remove the rods, which is how we found the nasty thing. That lead to weeks of misery, I got to shoot up twice a day though. . . with antibiotics. In a PICC line. That was boat loads of fun, even a year later! I can also easily get a pressure sore (bed sore) and my bladder often just up and decides to have a mind of it’s own. I can’t feel it ya know.
- How did you meet “the man”? We met online. I lived in Shiner. He loves Shiner beer. You do the math.
- Oh, how nice that he’d date and marry you anyways.( you know you ARE in a wheelchair, after all…. he’d have to pretty special to deal with something like that.) Did you REALLY just F-ing say that!?
- Did you finish college? Not yet. I went back in 2001. Developed a horrible pressure sore that put me in the hospital off and then on again for 4 months. Started planning a wedding, enjoying newly wed life and then getting pregnant. I am doing my dream job though. . . I plan to go back at some point. I either want to teach or be a medical student…I mean doctor. For now I will settle with being a Mommy, a teacher and a writer.
- Since you never lost conscienceness do you remember the pain when it happened? Yes.
- Do you excercise? I wheel my weight around all day, every day and load my chair in and out of the van multiple times a day (although will has been helping me with that) and I lift my body to the bed, couch and toilet many times a day as well. I also have a toddler. .. but no. No REAL exercise. I have asthma. LOL
- Do you still go to therapy? Nope.
- You say you can’t FEEL. Does that mean you can’t have sex? I can have sex and do. I have
23 kids, remember?