Because he had to die

It’s been a week since the funeral and 10 days since he had to die. It’s been a long 10 days, but wasn’t it just yesterday?!

I wrote this post and said that very little of our day to day will change. I was wrong. Our day to day has changed in more ways than I ever imagined.

I think about Dylan every day and all the “What ifs?”.

I’ve become a different mom.

I hold my kids tighter, more often.

My house is messier.

I say things, I never thought I would say and think things I never thought I would think.

That phrase “I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck!” ? It’s not funny anymore. It’s not acceptable.

The fear of crossing the road or the parking lot with my kids is so intense now, that I’m more afraid than I should be.

I don’t know if the change is for the better, or not but I’m changed. Because he had to die.