I’m lost and broken

Literally, I am. In 12 years I’ve only had one other complication. I hate when things go wrong,

There is no need to read into the title of my post. I’m still me. I still love life and my family. I’m NOT depressed. or angry. I’m just in lots of pain.

It all started on the 29th (thursday)- it came on gradually and continued to get worse but I was able to sleep some. Friday morning, I was screaming in agony.

There were no if, ands or buts about it. I had to go the doctor and I had to go now.

Except I don’t have a “regular” doctor. I just haven’t had any needs to warrant a regular doctor.  My  ladies parts doctor took care of the major stuff at my annual. I guess I need to find a regular doctor. It’s at the top of my list now. Wherever that list is …

Back to the pain. The doctors are still at a loss (see they are kinda LOST) and aren’t 100% sure what to do so they are running ever test possible and contacting the part numbers to track down who my doc used.

Just an FYI – Its taken me 30 minutes to write this much. I can’t stay focused and I keep have DEEP sleep dreams that I think last at leas 1-2 minutes and the dream itself a bit longer). It’s a strange feeling. 

So parts. They are tracking down the part number of the rods in my back because they are broken — SEE BROKEN.

There is a good chance I will have surgery to remove all or some of the metal. (titanium to be precise .. IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BREAK)

It’s been a long 5 days.

It’s beoming really stressful. I can transfer myself because it hurts to Charlie has to do everything for me. It’s not really big stuff but it still sucks to need help with stuff.

I’m trying to do my scooting around and pressure relieving on my own.

It hurts if I move  or not and I haven’t been told to stay still, so I think wiggling is best.

I also had to take off all my rings today. I took them off before my MRI and then put them back on. It’s habit. They belong there. So I put them back on immediately. More talk about surgery made me try to get them off right away. I don’t want to know what fixing broken rings cost. They eventually came off but I was afraid we’d have to cut. We did not

I feel like post is all jumbled up and probaby sounds like I’m out it, and that would be because I am.

I’m so appreciative that my mom is here taking care of the big boys and they I have friends wiling too help with drop off and another with pick up.

Typing this was difficult enough. I’m NOT proofreading it. sorry. I’ll conclude for now.  Hopefully I will eventually be better again and back to me. It’s hard to be me with all the “good stuff”

h=

 

2011 in review

I rarely write based on prompts. Maybe I should do it more, maybe I should keep finding an excuse not to do them. However, I wanted to come up with a review of my year of sorts, maybe shed some light on a few posts that were ignored or maybe you missed just because you were busy like me.

Sooooooo, when I saw Mama Kat’s latest prompts I decided to dive in. In case you get bored between now and 2012 why not take a look at my favorite posts from the last year?

January I’m 30 today. It’s the first time I talk about Kona (and my 2nd trip there) and well before I meet all my fellow Austin bloggers.

February – It turns out that I absolutely can not pick one. We can’t forget my SITS day because it was when we announced we were having another sweet baby boy. Then there was also the post about my amazing husband; after reading about a women venting here and a woman venting there I decided that the internet need more posts about how we LOVE the man that provides for us and allows us to stay home and blog. (I mean stay home and take care of the kids)

There was also one about my sister, who I miss dearly.

March- I couldn’t decide what to share. There wasn’t much “good” stuff. Hmmm, I mean there was but not like February. I picked this one. It’s a cheap trick and I don’t care if you like it or not…. I’m just throwing it out there.

April - Oh, boy. April was another good month. I need to learn how to space my stuff out better. I had my feature with Scary Mommy. That was a tough post to write but I learned a lot about myself and the words just flowed. It’s a great post if I do say so myself.

As I go through April, I realize there is much I would like to share again, so I’ll just let you look at everything if you feel so inclined.

Yes, I know I promised a “how do you do it” series that I never even touched. It’ll come. I think.

 May –  Maybe this recap thing wasn’t a good idea, or maybe it was just what I needed. I’ve been thinking to myself that my traffic is fairly low, so I must not have that many “good” posts. However, I now realize I do. I have amazing posts. I love how I’m documenting MY FAMILY on my blog. It’s for me. It’s not for you. Sure, I share it with you, but I’m not changing to keep you or to bring more of you in. I’ll be grateful if I do, I’d be lying if I said having readers and comments wasn’t exciting. The bottom line is, it’s not why I do this. May was another good month. Check it out.

I do this because of my boys. This past May my baby turned 3.

June – This was an exciting month because that baby became a BIG BROTHER. It was a fun month because I was honored to be a maternity model at a photograhy workshop and a sad month because it marked 6 years since I lost my Daddy. I also talked about my husband, again. You can find those posts here.

July – I didn’t post much in July. I wanted to focus on my sweet new baby, but I did have guest posters help me out. I’d love it if you would check them out.

 

August – I had more guest posts, another photography session, my baby started first grade and I spoke of struggle and voiced my opnion. Loud and clear. Wanna see?

September – I thought September was a “Calm” month until I looked at the posts. It was another sad month, as it marked 2 years since Cancer stole my mother-in-law. It was a fun month because my biggest baby had his first spelling test (which he aced) and joined cub scouts (where I promptly became a den leader while my husband was away on his first business trip to NEW YORK) and he knocked out a tooth at his “girlfriend”‘s birthday party.

It was a history making month for Texas. My state burned. A lot.

It was also a month of reflection. My “anniversary” is in September and this year marked 12 years since my injury.

October – I had the chance to preview an Extreme Makeover episode before it aired, I posted the final maternity photo session, I had a slight panic attack after being up close and personal with a star flight helicopter and I reflected on my pregnancy with Nathan and how it almost wasn’t. I also gave a cool recipe storage tip. Wanna see all of them?

November – This month was a bit calm, but not entirely. I talked about meeting Brooke and Laurie. This is a must. If you don’t read any other post, read this one. I talked about my struggles with my oldest and Lucas having his first sleepover away. There were also a couple of old papers I wrote when I went to Coastal Bend College.

You can read everything if you want.

December – December came far too quickly. This was a fast year. I hate that. Every year gets faster. Bleh. My little baby ate his first solids, I was stranded in a bathroom, my biggest baby turned 7, I celebrated 9 years of marriage and had an amazing dinner out. I’ll make you work for the rest. :)  but if you have any guesses as to where I was when I had my bathroom mishap, feel free to shout it out.

So I guess I really didn’t follow the rules, but I loved writing this post. It cleared things up for me. I love blogging for me and my family and I love the friends I’ve made along the way. I’ll probably never make money doing this, but that’s ok. It’s not my goal. I enjoy the SWAG I get when I go somewhere like the Beef Council event and I love writing reviews that are unprompted by businesses and friends I love. I don’t see myself writing many (if any) sponsored posts unless it’s already a company I believe in and would have written for anyways (more coming on that next year). I WILL continue to make friends through social media and to spread my word. I’m paralyzed but I’m still a mom. I still do everything you do, I just do it sitting down. If I can do it, so can you.

Rule or no rules, you can play too. Mama Kat and I would love to see some of your posts from the last year.

Necklace winner

 

That’s Amanda from Keep It Complicated!

 

 

Amanda, I know where to find you. ;)

I’m happy that so many of my friends helped me share this amazing story and are helping me ease Laurie into the blogging community so she can spread her mission to encourage parents to strap furniture.

Thank you!

Brooke’s angel wings

I have a giveaway! I have a giveaway!!! I’m so excited. I have a giveaway!

Creative Mamma was done for a day, so you get an extra day to enter and the choice between the amethyst necklace shown or this Longhorn necklace shown in the etsy shop.

We all know how life can change in an instant. Some of us have experienced it, knowing first hand just how true those words ring.

Others have only read about it, or heard about it.

It has been just over a month, but on October 18, 2011 I read a story that changed my life. On October 31, 2011 I met the little girl, Brooke, that fought all odds and lived so her Mommy could tell that story.

Have you read the story written by Michele and Laurie?

It’s FIXED

If not, please do so now.  (It’s required to enter the giveaway!)

Read

Read

Read

Ok, so you’ve read.

I was already friends with Michele, that’s how I found the story. I quickly became friends with Laurie, too.

Would you like to own one of those BEAUTIFUL necklaces?

Would you be willing to spread the story? Maybe save a life?

Would you like to own THIS beautiful necklace? (modeled and photographed by yours truly)

You know you want me.

Well, I can’t just GIVE it away. I have to make you work for it. It’s only fair.

Here’s what you have to do. (I’m going to assume you were all very obedient and read the story. It’s a must. Really. I’ll kindly wait why you go read it if you didn’t the first time I asked.)

  1. Visit Laurie’s new Blog.- It just went LIVE on 11-28. It’s THAT new. Subscribe to her blog, follow her on twitter or like her facebook page. Tell me which on you did. If you did all 3 then by all means post 3 times. I just want to make sure you stay in the loop.
  2. Share her mending wings story on twitter or facebook. tell me about it.
  3. Share something awesome in her store on twitter or facebook. Tell me what it is.
For each thing you do, you get an entry. It’s that easy.
I will pick a winner (by random draw) on Tuesday December 6th7th. That gives you ONE FULL WEEK!
Be sure to share this giveaway with your friends and loved ones. They may just win it FOR YOU!

Keep in mind you will win the necklace pictured in this post! 

 

 

 

Starflight

 

Okay, so on Monday I promised a post in regards to a tweet. It was also a facebook status. This might all make bit more sense if I had my complete story up.

I’m a slacker so I do not. Yet. I will.

Okay. Here was the tweet.

I’m not really sure what happened.

It’s been 12 years.

I live with what happened every day. I talk about it every day in some form or another. I think about it every day. It is my every day.

I NEVER ESCAPE IT.

So, why did seeing starflight UP CLOSE have that effect on me?

I mean, I saw starflight last month, when my state was burning.  They were dropping water on a fire less than a mile from my house.

I can’t really explain what I felt. It happened so suddenly. We saw the helicopters in the parking lot. The boys were jumping out of their skin with excitement. We made our way to them. I was less than 10 feet away. I was standing off to the side to take pictures. Kids were climbing in. They were giggling. My kids were about 3 families back. They were now 2 families back. My heart started pounding. My breathing got heavy. My hands were shaking. I almost started crying. I had to take several deep breaths and smile. MY kids were up. I had to get close enough to touch it. I took the pictures but everything was foggy.

It was time to roll to the other side. MY boys were smiling.

Then they wanted to go to the back and see where the patient goes in. I wanted so badly to scream.

I managed to whisper to Charlie what I was feeling but there was nothing he could do. He was juggling Nathan and the boys were running off to look at the police helicopter. The exact same helicopter. Just a different paint job and different layout on the inside. I immediately calmed down. The feeling passed. It lasted no more than 5 minutes. Max.

Later, when it took off, I felt nothing. It was loud and I briefly thought about how loud it was from the ground and compared it to how loud it was actually being IN one but the racing pulse, heavy breathing, all that was gone. It didn’t return.

 

Extreme Makeover Home

In the last 3 years I have opened my mail, and TWICE there has been an email from EXTREME MAKEOVER Home edition. Each time my heart skipped a beat.

I would NEVER accept an offer to make over my home. It’s fine as it is (and what’s not requires a few easy, though be it time consuming fixes) and there are countless other people out there that don’t come close to functioning in their home. That being said, it is still super exciting to see an email from them.

The first time was about 3 years ago. I can’t remember the person that contacted me, but she was looking for crib ideas for someone in a chair. I gave her a few ideas. I can’t remember what they ended up doing or if I ever got around to watching the episode. Bad me.

The second time was on Monday. I was asked if I would like to preview an episode that is scheduled to air on October 9th.

I said yes.

Last night, after we got the kids to bed, Charlie and I sat on the couch and really watched “A’s” story. This was one of the most emotional episodes I think I’ve ever watched. I won’t say why. You will have to watch. Just know that this little girl is a hero. She is an example of what more people should aspire to be. She’s a little girl, something really bad happened to her but yet her attitude is golden.

People like her don’t need my blog. She’s already figured out that life goes on, even if it was “the good leg”. She knows that you can be happy if you focus on being happy and not on what happened to you.

I can only wish that more ADULTS that experience something life changing can realize this as quickly as “A” did.

I encourage you to tune into your local ABC channel on Sunday and watch. Your heart will be touched. I promise.

 

The opinions in this post are MINE and mine alone. I was NOT compensated for writing this, other than an early preview provided by Different Drummer.

The Animated Woman drew me

update at the end of the post if the other link still doesn’t work:

 

I know this may come as a total shock, but I made a new twitter friend. And she draws. People. For fun. Just random people she meets on the internet. How fun is that?

If you missed it on Friday night, The Animated Woman drew me. If you can check out here post you won’t be sorry. It was funny. I will have to see if I can snag myself for the sidebar so everyone can click on it and go read about the funny little story she made up.

 

here is the link:

http://www.theanimatedwoman.com/2011/05/you-wheelchairmommy.html

Scraps and Living your Moment

It was a long but fun weekend, and I never got around to posting my latest scrap page for you. Shawna released an alpha and a mini kit. The kit was originally a free kit to anyone that donated to her March of Dimes goal this year. Here is my layout. I used both the kit, When we get together and the alpha, cardboard chunk :) . Isn’t Lucas just darling?

—-

Now on an ENTIRELY different note I have some cool blogging news. I was selected by the women at Living Your Moment to the Texas State MoMents Influencer. :) I will write posts based on small companies that look to them for promotion. I do not have all the details yet, but stay tuned… But for now you can see more information here.

Why do cows wear bells?

That’s what my son asked me when he looked through the super awesome swag bag I got last week after attending the Appetite for Inspiration event put on by the Texas Beef Council and Gigi (aka Kludgy Mom).

So what does any good mom do? She has dad look it up, while she does beauty maintenance, of course. In short, the cow wore it so Ranchers could hear where they were. Now how many people will find my blog by searching (more) “Cow bell” or “why do cows wear bells?”

Now, back to my day. It was fantastic and the food was amazing. I’m a crazy, picky eater so I always get super nervous in social situations where someone else cooks and I can’t pick what I want. This is putting it mildly, but before the event I wasn’t a big beef eater. Burger? Yes. NY Strip? Sure. Random cuts of lean beef cooked at medium. Um… NO. Did I learn to love new beef in more ways than I ever thought possible? Oh, yes!!!

The day started with a few lessons in family meals and how important color and variety is in our diet. I could go on and on about that forever, but I am NOT the best spokesperson for healthy eating.

 

Next up, Chef Chamberlain cooked for us. That was divine. I can’t wait to remake them. OR at least try. Oh, and he has a restaurant in Dallas that has moved up to the top of my list. I told Charlie we have to try it the next time we are there. He agreed. (Plus, they have a kids menu!!) Here are the pictures I texted to my husband.

 

 

When he finished we split into groups and made more yummy dishes.  My group made Chipotle Sloppy Joes. Oh. My. Goodness. You have to come over to my house and try them. Seriously (and they were on WHEAT buns. I’m a white girl, but it was “knock your socks off” amazing anyways). Here is a shot of that dish.

While we were eating (a little of EVERYTHING) we found out we were all getting the cookbook! YAY.

(Thanks Gigi for the picture with the Chef and everyone else that posted to the flicker stream)

Here is a group shot. We are all starving. Can you see me way over to the left-hand side?

 

I was NOT paid for this post. I did get Beef Council and Nolan Ryan Beef SWAG, but absolutely none of it influenced my opinion, unless you count the fantastic beef we were allowed to sample. That was just beyond good and is why I am talking about how fabulous my day was.

Oh and I can NOT write this post without saying this. Beef. It’s what’s for dinner!  That is has been a long standing joke in my family. My brother ran around in the 80s saying it all the time.

 

Why I chose Wheelchair Mommy.

Here is my Mama Kat vlog prompt … she didn’t make a special little badge so I’m using the writing one.

Oh, the shame.

I thought about sharing an embarrassing school moment but the one that stands out is a doozy (is that a REALY word?) It involved being a freshman and “girl problems”. Black pants but not black chair … you get the idea. I refuse to go into details. I’ve said enough.

Mama’s Losin’ It

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